Diary Excerpt

This is an excerpt from my OWN diary.  This is very personal, however, I just wanted to share it because of a few realizations I have made after re-reading the entry.

Dated 21-September-2012
5:40 pm
"Dear diary,
     I have 10 minutes til Philo class starts.  As of the moment, I devote this remaining time for me to unload.  For your information pala, I have decided to to turn into a teapot.  A teapot will never fall in love, right?  As of the moment, I think that's the best course of action to follow.  I just realized something a day ago.  My behavior is very self-destructive when I get caught in love's trap.  How horrible.  It changes me into something entirely eh.  I say it's not normal.  I've been wanting to cry about this kahapon pa...However, something's stopping me from doing so.  It sucks.  I feel crappy as fuck.  I don't know how to fix myself...so I'll turn into a teapot instead.  At least...a teapot NEVER gets hurt when it's broken.

Fuck love,

Alex..."

***For those none-Filipinos out there, i'll translate some of the Filipino phrases.

"kahapon pa" = "since yesterday"

"pala" = I think that's an article.  If I directly translate the sentence, it'll come out like: "Oh, and for your information..."

"eh" = I think this is something like "because".  Usually, this is used for when reasoning.  If I translate the sentence entirely, it'll come out as "Because it changes me into something entirely".

Aaaaaaanyway.  Hahaha.  That was the last written entry on my diary.  Funny.  Right next to it is a picture of a special person and me.  I decided to put that picture in my diary, and I did that on Thursday (13-Dec-2012), I think.  Just this week, I put it there.  

I just wanted to rant about the naivety of what I wrote.  What right have I to give up on love?  How stupid of me to even consider the fact that I can stop myself from falling in love.  I guess...what I'm trying to say is...one can never turn off his/her feelings.  You can deny.  I can tell people that I don't know how to feel...but that will never be the case.  Somewhere, in the corners of your hypothalamus, you are feeling something.  One is not 100% numb.  I pity myself for even letting the thought of draining myself of my emotions.  I cannot do that.  I don't know if that's even possible.  If there's someone who can do it, I congratulate you.

But...I should learn.  I cannot just switch my feelings on and off.

I'm human.

I'm capable of being happy.

I'm capable of getting hurt.

I'm capable of being angry.

I'm capable of loving.

...although I have to admit.  I had fun being a teapot.