Reparo

It's been months.  The light in the room where I store my clothes wouldn't turn on.  I tried replacing the starter.  I also tried replacing the fluorescent light.

Futile.

Today, my mom made me go to a house next door that's under construction.  She told me to ask help from the carpenters there.  I did [slightly embarrassed].

Two of them came to my house to help fix it.  When they checked it out, apparently, it was the switch that was broken.  Not the balllast [idk the spelling], not the lamp itself, not even the starter.

For the past few months, every night, when I need to look for clothes, I keep groping in the dark.

I don't know.  For some reason, those two workers gave me an epiphany.  For so long, I believed I could work it all on my own.  I guess this means, I also need help.

Will you still love me in the morning?

Dear Future Husband,

I know I'm not perfect.  We're almost nearing our first year.  How much have I changed since the time when we first met?  During that time, love wasn't in your language.  I was just a girl living in a fairy tale.  I never thought I would have you.

Who would have thought this is how the pieces fit?

But Babe...we're nearing our first year.  Do you still like what you see?  Am I still fit to be on your pedestal?  Sometimes I am full of shit.  Sometimes I feel like shit, and I make you feel like shit.  I never mean to.  Babe...do you have any regrets?  You have your flaws, but I'm willing to overlook them.  Despite it all, you're still the person I want to wake up beside with in the morning.

I love you.
Will you still love me in the morning?

Burden

I never want to be
I never meant to be
But in trying not to;
I have been.

Neglect

One of my crimes is not finishing what I started.  I've always said to myself "stick around longer" one too many times now.

I have been negligent of my blog.  It's almost 2014.
I wonder if things will change.

Cutex

For every sad moment
Or one of anger
I looked at my painted nails.
Blue but faded.
Pastel yet chipped.
Girls took care of painted nails.
I find them tedious.
I find them irritating.
I find solace in them.
Chip chip, flick the paint off.
I have ten fingers.
Chip a part of them
When I needed to scream.
Chip another
When I'm capable of murder.

I ended up removing the polish.
Then cut off my nails.
Girls took care of painted nails.
I find them tedious.
I find them irritating.
I'm not a girl.

Boiling Point

I have a lot of frustrations in me.  I guess one of my problems in handling them is how to let off some steam.  I feel compelled to let a person know if he has done something wrong to me, but because of fearing another conflict, I just shut up.

By the way...someone just told me to do exactly that.

"Just shut up."

Somehow, I'm starting to feel like shutting up is never the solution.

It makes me wonder how most humans tend to emulate the things they themselves despise.