In utmost secrecy

I have a lot of things I can't tell you.  I believe that between the two of us, I am more understanding.  I knew perfectly well what I got myself into.  Our relationship is something that I've always prayed really hard for.  I have it.  I really did want it...but to be honest...there are times when I ask myself: "Is this still worth holding on to?"

Don't misunderstand.  I want you in my life.  I just don't know if we are ready to have each other now.  I have always understood you.  I have always let you get away with anything, even if it hurts me.  Even if sometimes, it kills me.  I have made myself fall in deaf ears from what my friends are telling me, kasi mahal kita.  I am willing to do anything for you...but sometimes, I ask, are you willing to do the same?

I do not question your love.  God no.  Never.  Although, I sometimes question...your acceptance of me.  How do you view me?  I am afraid that you might have a different perception of me.  Sometimes, I feel like there are parts of me that you do not like...and whatever that is, I change it.  For you.  Ilang parte pa ba ng pagkatao ko ang dapat kong baguhin para maging masaya ka?  Sometimes, I feel like you are shaping me to be your ideal girl...when in fact, kahit ano pa mang kapintasan ko, ideal parin ako sayo.

Okay lang sana kung ang babaguhin mo sakin is mga pangit na ugali.  Pero hindi eh...sometimes, my eccentricity disgusts you.  You tell me I embarrass you sometimes.  Ganun na pala ako ngayon?  Ikinakahiya?

I still want this to work out.  I see a future with the two of us...but if hindi mo ako kayang tanggapin, baka ibaon mo lang ako sa resentment.

Wag ka mag-alala.  Hindi ko to sasabihin sayo.  I know for a fact, hindi mo na naman magugustuhan.