Ten steps for falling in and out

First, you befriend her.  Make it seem like a normal thing, you know?  Talk to her about random stuff and tell her how you were bored, so you were forced to make small conversation.  Do this daily until the small meaningless talks become deep and shit.

Second, don't settle on meeting her on just your classes or club meetings.  You have to hang out with her all the time.  Make her feel like you really like having her company.  Chicks dig that, you know?  Makes them feel important.

Third, start buying her lunch around three weeks after you guys first talked.  If she doesn't accept, insist.  Put a bunch of drama and bright eyes.  She'll gush and will be forced to accept the offer.  Repeat twice in two weeks.

Fourth, after four weeks, you can now ask her to go out.  No, not just out like some lunch break or shit like that.  You have to take her out on a weekend.  Tell her you just want to "hang out".  That whole..."not-a-date" thing.  If she accepts, repeat every week.  If she doesn't, go back to the third step, and try this step again after two weeks.

Fifth, start messing up with her mind.  Do the typical "Freudian slips" about how you would want to have a girlfriend like her.  Look at her reaction.  Is she blushing while smiling?  Keep doing this then.  If she gives you a wry smile, I discourage you.  Do the first step on a different girl.

Sixth, start sending sweet text messages.  'Nuff said.

If you got up to the seventh step, by now, she probably likes you back.  Either that or she's just a gold digging hussy waiting for you to give her something expensive.  Be very careful about this step.  It's the trickiest.  In here, you confess.  Tell her what you feel...but don't be sudden.  Slow baby steps will do.  Whatever you feel for her, take it down a notch.  If you feel like you've fallen for her, tell her "I like you".  If you like her, then tell her "I really want to get close to you".  Shit like that.

Eight step.  If you made it here, you've finally won a jackpot.  However, this is where most idiots go wrong.  By now, you feel so confident that you have it, this is where you'll start to lose it.  Worse, you're gonna get tired of all the crap she's been giving you lately that you forgot how amazing it feels to have her in your life.  So now, what you do is to be a perfect little douche for her.  You'll make her cry, and shit'll start happening.

Step the ninth.  Shit happens.  This is the easiest step.  Either one of you will probably break it off.

Tenth and final step.  When the break happens, mope for a few days.  Then do step one to another girl.  The only difference is:  be very obvious to your ex.  Show her that you didn't need her, and make her hurt even more.  You should feel a great sense of satisfaction, you little shit.